Thoughts on Finding Home

About roots, knowing where you belong, and how travel enriches our lives or even opens the door to an entirely new life

The wheel of the year has moved through its cycle and autumn—my favorite time of year—has now arrived.

As the days and nights grow colder and wetter in this western Irish peninsula that I now call home, I happily curl up on the couch in front of the fire, snuggled in a wool blanket and fortified by a cup of mint tea. Inevitably, my mind begins to focus on thoughts of home and place and belonging. I say “inevitably,” because “finding home” has been a central theme of my life.

Influences from childhood

My father was a farm boy from the state of Missouri, my mother was a city girl from Seattle, Washington, and they were married in Boston as WWII ended. By the time we moved to a ranch outside of Three Forks, Montana when I was five, they had already lived in five other states.

Dad believed strongly that one should not become attached to a place, but remain free to follow better job opportunities whenever—and wherever—they might arise. He told my sister and me again and again that if our husband should come home and tell us we were moving to Timbuktu, we should reply “How fast do I pack my bag?” (This clearly indicates that it was the man’s job that was important, not the woman’s, but that is a topic for another time!)

Because I was born with a passion for learning about other places and cultures, these teachings made sense to me at the time. They also made sense in my parents’ lives, until their final move to the state of Oregon. After selling the ranch and sort of retiring, my father got the idea to start a corporate farm in eastern Oregon that would grow food to feed the world. Taking on investors for the first time in his life did not go well for him. He died at 65 of a heart attack, and my mother mourned him for the next 30 years of her life.

What our whole family eventually understood is that Montana had become our home without us realizing it. If my parents had only stayed there, my father would very likely have lived many more years. Both of my parents have now returned home, though. They are buried next to each other in the Three Forks cemetery, which is surrounded by land that used to belong to our ranch.

A grounded sense of home

Many of my childhood friends remained in Montana. Some stayed in Three Forks, some moved to other towns. Some have moved home again after living in other states. We are connected on Facebook, and it is wonderful to see how they have built their homes, raised their families, and moved through the changing seasons of their lives.

Many of my friends have a strong sense of place and belonging, a rootedness of identity that I have never had, and at times I envy them for it. They were born in Montana, they raised their children there, and now they have the pleasure of watching their grandchildren grow up there, too.

Like many other Americans, however, I have lived in many different places, and my daughters, grandson, sister and brother all live in different states.

Changing places, changing lives

As I said above, many of my friends in Montana know where their homes are. My parents found home in Montana but did not realize it. When they moved to Oregon, they struggled.

This makes me think about the power that place has on our lives. In some places, doors magically open. We feel happier, lighter, fall in love with a wonderful person, find the perfect job, etc. In other places, life is a struggle. The doors stay closed no matter how hard we work to open them.

My sister experienced this when she was in her 20s. She had been living in Seattle for several years, which she loved, but she was struggling with work and relationships. She finally made the decision to explore Europe for as long as her money would last. She visited Spain and France and Greece, enjoying each country in turn.

And then she arrived in Rome. Almost in an instant, she knew she had found home. Doors started opening almost immediately. She found a job, a beautiful apartment in the center of Rome, and fell in love with an Italian. The result is that she spent the next 26 years of her life living in Italy.

Decisions, decisions

My sister has two spiritual teachers, Stephen and Linda Kane, who can see how a particular decision might affect all aspects of our lives. A decision that leads to a lower-energy future contracts our energy in one or more areas of our lives; a decision that leads to a higher-energy, more positive future brightens it.

I consulted with Stephen shortly after my first husband died in 2014, and his advice had life-changing effects on me. I had lived in Portland, Oregon, for over 30 years and raised both of my daughters there. Although I loved Portland, my husband’s death was the end of a major stage of my life. At the age of 63, I wanted to begin a new life in a new location. But I did not know where to go.

A few months after my husband’s death, a longtime client in Austria asked me if I would be willing to move to Vienna to work for them full time. Although I wanted a change, I was afraid that this was too big of a step!

I sent Stephen (who lived in England at the time) the pictures of five different places I was considering moving to. Then we made an appointment to meet on Skype. As I looked at a picture, he looked at me and observed how my energy changed. In the end, he concluded that Vienna was extremely positive for me on all levels.

So I took a big breath and leapt into the unknown.

As a result, my life completely transformed. I had a creative, very well-paid new career for five years, found an apartment to live in that I loved, met and married a wonderful Austrian, and became happier than I had ever been before.

Changing places again

I truly felt—and still do—at home in Austria. However, my Austrian husband does not!

Gerhard was born with a passion for the sea, which cannot be fulfilled in landlocked Austria. For all of the years of his working life, he spent his holidays abroad, almost always at a location that touched the sea: Mallorca, Greece, Cyprus, Egypt, South Africa, Brazil, Costa Rica, New Zealand and more.

When he eventually visited the west coast of Ireland (and County Kerry in particular), he knew he had come home. The water, mountains and sounds of traditional Irish music filled him with joy, passion and a sense of belonging, and he would now be perfectly happy to never leave this place again.

Gerhard’s family and friends in Austria do not understand his decision to move to Ireland. Although many of them have travelled to numerous countries on holiday, their home and roots are in Austria. As a result, they would never think of leaving life-long friends, family and surroundings to move to another country.

The value of travel

All of this brings me back to the value of travel.

For some people, travelling to new places gives them the opportunity to explore other cultures. Their travel experiences enrich and expand their lives, but they remain secure in the knowledge of who they are and where they belong.

For others, travel can be a life-transforming experience that opens the door to finding the home they have been seeking their entire lives.

Whatever our travel experiences might be, each of us is enriched by the process. In the end, it’s all good, isn’t it?