Seeing with Different Eyes

Thoughts on the power of changing focus and how travel can help us see ourselves and others in new ways

I love this picture! I love the petals and the swirls and the way in which the flower’s vibrant orangeness simultaneously draws me into its heart and radiates an energy outward that fills me with joy and happiness.

My husband, Gerhard, took the picture using the professional camera and editing equipment he is currently teaching himself to use. He did this by hauling out a ladder and standing on it so he could photograph the flower from above.

The flower belongs to a calathea crocata plant I bought recently. Calathea is also called a “prayer plant” because its leaves fold up at night as though it were praying and unfold again in the morning as daylight returns.

One of the things I find particularly remarkable is that from a normal point of view, the flower on the actual plant is rather small and unassuming.

Photo by me using my usual point and shoot method

My attention in this photo is drawn more to the green color and interesting patterns of the leaves (and to the plant containers) than to the two little orange flowers.

I like the plant, which is why I bought it. On a mental level, I also wanted to see if the leaves actually fold up at night (they do). But I don’t feel particularly attached to it emotionally. When I view Gerhard’s picture, however, I feel a heart connection that is almost spiritual.

It’s the same plant in both pictures, but the focus elicits a completely different response. This makes me think about a quote from the German physicist Max Planck:

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

I would add to this quote that our point of focus also changes the way we feel about something—or someone.

A few years ago, when Gerhard and I still lived in Vienna, Austria, we attended a workshop together that ostensibly had something to do with tantra. However, the teacher mostly asked us to do exercises that increased our ability to connect and communicate with our fellow students.

The exercise that remains locked in my memory is one in which the teacher paired each of us with a stranger. Our task was to sit cross-legged on the floor and stare into each other’s eyes without speaking. My partner was probably in his late 30s. I don’t imagine he was thrilled to be paired with a woman in her late 60s (especially when there were several pretty 20-somethings in the class!), but he gamely sat down opposite me.

In the beginning, the process was awkward and uncomfortable. I giggled a bit and found it hard to maintain eye focus. Then my eyes began to water and my legs began to cramp. After about 15 minutes of this, however, something interesting started to happen. Both of us suddenly began to SEE each other in a new way. Our bodies, ages, clothing and personal histories no longer mattered. We became two mysterious, powerful souls who were connecting with each other heart-to-heart, and that was all that mattered.

It is amazing how a simple change of focus can have such a huge effect. This is one reason I like to travel so much—it changes the way I look at things.

My day-to-day life can so easily fall into a rut of habitual patterns, where I wake up, go through my day, and go to bed in basically the same way. I read the same media, talk to the same people, do the same things, and cook the same foods.

Traveling to new places and countries changes all of this. It exposes me to new ways of doing things, new ways of eating, living, speaking and interacting. It also pushes me outside my comfort zone to reach out to strangers and start conversations with them.

If I give these interactions enough time—and listen carefully enough—my preconceived notions (and especially fears) of who my new friends are start to fall away. In my mind, our outer differences become so much smaller and our inner similarities become so much greater.

Unfortunately, the energies in the world at present are increasing our fears of each other rather than our appreciation. This is not only sad, but it is also dangerous because it provides justification for hunkering down in our isolated communities, seeing anyone outside of our tribe as the enemy, discriminating against each other, or even going to war.

In my mind, this makes it even more important for us to visit—or live in—other places now. It is so important not to listen to the fearmongers who are trying to control our societies by making us afraid of each other. As the actress Shirley MacLaine so beautifully said:

The more I traveled the more I realized that fear makes strangers of people who should be friends.”

The more we can find meaningful ways to interact with each other, to connect with the inner depths of who we are rather than with the surface appearance—the better off we will all be.

Suggestions for Connecting

Although it is really rewarding to connect at a deeper level with the locals when you are traveling, it can also be a bit challenging to do so—especially if you are more of an introvert than an extrovert. This is why it can be helpful to participate in activities that specifically welcome international visitors.

I am most familiar with activities in Vienna, Austria, and on the Dingle Peninsula in County Kerry, Ireland. Here are a few examples:

Vienna Coffeehouse Conversations

These conversations take place in Café Ministerium, a charming, traditional Viennese coffeehouse. The organizer, Eugene Quinn (an Englishman who lives in Vienna), randomly pairs someone from Vienna with an international visitor. Then he hands the pair a Conversation Menu, which contains a list of interesting questions that help to stimulate conversation. (The conversations all take place in English.)

The questions explore travel, friendship, work and inspiration. They are easy to understand, but often difficult to answer, such as: How important is money to you? Which part of your life was a waste of time?

The pair goes off together, sits down at one of the Café’s tables, and talks for a couple of hours. (They may also eat a meal together or drink a glass of wine or a cup of Viennese coffee.) At the end of the evening, the entire group meets again and shares a little of what they experienced.

To learn more, check out the following links:

Viennese Coffeehouse Conversations

https://whoosh.wien/events

Cafe Ministerium

Internationals in Wien

The Meetup organization in Vienna is really active and offers numerous opportunities for connecting—both with Austrians and with people in the international community. One of the most active groups is Internationals in Wien, which sponsors numerous events—from sports (cycling, hiking) to travel to social events to language practice.

One of the regular events within Internationals in Wien is called Beyond Small Talk: Conversations with Depth, Connections, and Warm Cookies. This is a great way to connect deeply with others while discussing such topics as Defining Personal Purpose, Cultivating Inner Wisdom, the Power of Storytelling and Building Meaningful Relationships.

Tinteán Ceoil

In rural Ireland, people used to get together regularly in each other’s homes to talk about their day, tell stories, and make music together. People in my neighborhood came together a few years ago to recreate this tradition so that both locals and visitors could experience it.

Tinteán Ceoil now takes place every Monday evening, all year round, in the Cloghane/Brandon area of the Dingle Peninsula. There is a piano in the room, and people often bring musical instruments as well. Those who would like to are invited to sing a solo, recite a poem, or tell a story. Sometimes people play music that gets everyone up and dancing.

In between, the locals share news with each other about the community while moving fluently between Irish (this is an Irish speaking part of Ireland) and English. In the middle of the evening, they take a tea and scone break so they can talk to the people around them. It is an absolutely wonderful way to spend an evening and to experience Irish culture, and all are welcome.

On a personal note, I have sung songs—in the shower, while playing the piano for myself, and while walking—my entire life. As a result, I know the lyrics to dozens of songs. When I lived in Portland, Oregon, my favorite activity every week was attending song circles in which everyone would sing and play together. But I have always been petrified to sing a solo a cappella.

Because the people in Tinteán are so warm and welcoming, however, and they appreciate every contribution—no matter how small—I now look forward to singing my songs every week.

Similarly, my Austrian husband—who has never sung a song in his life and did not know the words to anything—now spends time learning songs in the Irish language and enjoys sharing them in Tinteán every week!

What About You?

What kind of experiences have you had that have helped you see others in deeper, more expanded ways? How has travel contributed to these experiences? What kind of groups and activities are you aware of in your community that would make it easier for international travelers to connect with the locals in meaningful ways?